Posted in Fiction, Published, Twisted fairytales

Not a Lore: Part 1 of 3

Author’s note: This is first installment of a Twisted Fairytale from my fifth short story compilation, Ugly: Twisted fairytales. It is a spinoff of the old Grimm’s tale, The Sleeping Beauty.


The King’s orders were clear, “Marry the princess or die trying.” By ‘the princess’, the King was referring to an old folklore that said:  

“There lays a princess of sixteen,

Fair as the winter sun and hair made of gold,

Cursed by a witch to sleep for years untold,

In a silver castle guarded by a dragon.

When the century sets in the horizon,

Her prince shall arrive then,

To wake her with true love’s first kiss

And rule the world with her as his.”

Why the king wanted me, his eldest son and crown prince, to lay down my life for a princess who was at least a century older than me was anybody’s guess. But I am not the one to fight back my father’s whims. So, I had set off instantly on the quest along with two hundred soldiers. My men and I had searched the world for the elusive silver castle hiding the cursed princess, knowing too well that magic and dragons were creatures of myths. The folklore had come ‘somewhere from the north’, so we had started towards north and searched through many kingdoms and fought many unwanted battles to find this very old and, apparently, very desirable princess.

*****

After two years of constant walking and fighting and half of my men dying for nobody’s cause, I have finally found the place.

On the top of a hill, the ominous grey castle shines like silver and casts long shadows in the dying winter sun. The cloud of smoke that rises from the castle grounds is visible from the valley. I wish it is a huge bonfire, even if it means that the castle is now inhabited by an army of bandits or even a cannibal tribe. Anything is better than facing a dragon that can create smoke of that size without trying. But the villagers have spotted the dragon fly above the castle in circles too many times in the past century. Its roar is heart‑stopping even from such a distance. But it never leaves the castle to hunt, which meant that we are about to face a very hungry and frustrated dragon itching for a fight. The villagers have also told us of the many princes—fair, brave and strong—who came to rescue the princess in the past century. They all entered the castle accompanied with their entire armies and never returned—nobody ever did.

There is no way to kill a dragon—you can only avoid it. I am about to face it though. But do my men need to die as well?

*****

I embarked on this journey to die trying—to prove myself to my father and to the world that does not consider me man enough. I am a skilled warrior with a hulking frame and body sculpted from many years of rough living in constant battles that plague our kingdom’s borders. I have put my life on the line too many times for my king. But I’m the next in line to the throne and my lack of interest in women and marriage at 28 years of age is a cause of whispered suspicions across the kingdom and my father’s shame. My younger brothers make fun of my ‘chaste’ ways. Many wannabe‑princesses have tried to seduce me, and when they failed, they crushed my dignity underfoot by moving to my younger brothers’ bed chambers. My mother has even gone farther and found a woman who is ready to marry me ‘without expecting a child’. But how can I take the vows knowing they are lies?

I have tried to love someone…anyone…but failed. And with that, I have failed my parents, crushed their expectations and earned this banishment. Because no matter the excuse my father has used, it is banishment. They know well that no woman will ever wake from my kiss.

May be if I die trying, they would finally be proud of me. Not that anyone would care if I died, except Reese.

*****

Reese is my constant companion for twenty‑two years—playmate, best friend, sparring partner and now my Squire. Earlier, we had spent many years together planning pranks, facing my father’s backlash, fighting with wooden swords and dreaming of the day I would become the king, and Reese would be my general. He knew my moods and made me laugh. He cared.

But, at seventeen, my father had raised concerns about the closeness of our friendship. Soon after, Reese was sent with a battalion stationed at the far end of the kingdom and I was left alone in a world that did not care. It took me a long time to put my pieces together and become the ‘strong royal’ my father expected me to be. When Reese finally returned after two years, I realised it was better to stay aloof rather than face another separation. Now Reese is just my Squire, a subordinate who does as he is asked to. Reese still knows my moods and makes me laugh. He still cares. He has always stuck by my side during fights, never more than a few feet apart, watching my back and saving my neck too many times to count.


Author’s note: To be continued…

If you would rather read it all together in the book, Ugly: Twisted fairytales is available for free download here: Link

Photo by Sean Thomas on Unsplash

Posted in Fiction, Published, Twisted fairytales

The Royal Scoop: Part 3 of 3

Author’s note: This is third and final installment of a Twisted Fairytale from my fifth short story compilation, Ugly: Twisted fairytales. It is a modern spinoff of the old Grimm’s tale, Cinderella.


News Anchor (with a bandaged nose and a swollen eye): Welcome to News at Six! Earlier yesterday, our Channel had exposed Lady Cinderella—the Fiancée of Prince Charming and the future Queen—confessing that she can see ‘fairies’.

Lady Drizella, her sister, agreed to talk but declined to discuss the possibility of mental instability. She quickly became violent, which is a sure sign of the entire family being unstable.

Now we have the Sheriff of Faraway with us regarding the theft of jewellery, clothes and carriage by Lady Cinderella and the murder of her coachman on the night of the Ball.

Sheriff, has Lady Cinderella admitted the murder yet?

Sheriff: We haven’t framed any charges yet since there hasn’t been any missing person’s report. Also, there is no report of any missing jewellery, dress or carriage.

News Anchor: Seems like she had been quick to cover her tracks or may be the royal family! Has the Police department checked with the adjoining cities and states for missing person’s report? Maybe check her mother’s estate for the body or carriage? At least, take her in custody and ask her questions. I’m sure she will spill the beans with third‑degree questioning!

Sheriff: I assure you the Police department has done all that was required and we don’t need a comedy channel to tell us how to do our job.

News Anchor: This isn’t a comedy channel…

Sheriff: Are you sure? I saw your discussion with Lady Drizella. It was quite entertaining!

News Anchor: That’s just the way we reporters are treated for speaking the truth. At least, we are trying to get to the truth rather than licking royal feet like the Police department.

Sheriff: I can arrest you for misbehaving with a government official!

News Anchor: Let me just marry the prince first. You’ll serve the rest of your tenure licking my shoes!

News Production Manager (trying to cover the screen and the sound of a scuffle): Again, we apologize for the inconvenience caused due to technical difficulties. We will return tomorrow with more information.

*****

News Anchor (sour‑faced with bandaged hand, nose and head, and a black eye): Welcome to News at Six. We are investigating the mental instability of Lady Cinderella. A couple of days earlier, we had shared her recording admitting that she can converse with ‘fairies’. Her family testified her mental instability and confirmed their belief that she murdered her coachman. One of her sisters became violent on screen, which was a proof of mental instability running through the family. Let us now talk to our correspondent, John, who is at the royal palace where the Lady in question is staying to evade Police arrest.

Hi John, what’s happening at the palace?

John: Hi Cassy! We have been waiting outside the Palace for the past half an hour. As you can see, the Palace is decorated with ‘fairy’ lights. We have seen a limousine drive inside and some palace servants going in and out, but nobody is ready to talk. We tried to get in, but the guards stopped us. Oh! I see a gardener at the fence hedges now. Let’s talk to him.

Excuse me! Can you please tell us whether Lady Cinderella is going to surrender to the Police?

Gardener: (Silence)

John: Has she confessed to the murder of her coachman yet?

Gardener: (Silence)

John: Has Police arrested her yet?

Gardener: (Silence)

John: Who was in the Limousine?

Gardener: (Silence)

John: Does using ‘fairy’ lights indicate that the royal family supports the Lady’s claim about ‘fairies’?

(The gardener walks away. The reporter tries to jump the fence, but a guard warns him to stay out.)

John: As you can see, the Palace has been converted into a fortress. Nobody is allowed to go in; those inside are too scared to speak against the future queen. But our channel will continue trying to get to the bottom of the drama unfolding at the royal palace.

Stay tuned for more on News at Six.

*****

News Anchor (with a bandaged hand, nose and head, a black eye and a huge grin): Welcome back to News at Six.

The official Twitter handle of the royal family has finally shared a statement that Lady Cinderella has called off the wedding with Prince Charming. She said that she is unable to deal with the pressure of being in constant spotlight. She openly blames her engagement with the prince for the so‑called media trial.

Also, her fairy godmother had presented herself in the courtroom to prove her fairy connections, ending the speculations about her mental instability. Lady Cinderella is now moving to Fairyland to recover from the trauma. The King has mentioned on his Twitter account that anyone who has a problem being in constant spotlight is not fit for the royal family. He will soon announce the date of the next royal ball to find a bride for the prince.

Every eligible girl without a fairy godmother is welcome!


END

Author’s note: If you would rather read it all together in the book, Ugly: Twisted fairytales is available for free download here: Link

Photo by Andrea Guidera on Unsplash

Posted in Fiction, Published, Twisted fairytales

The Royal Scoop: Part 2 of 3

Author’s note: This is second installment of a Twisted Fairytale from my fifth short story compilation, Ugly: Twisted fairytales. It is a modern spinoff of the old Grimm’s tale, Cinderella.


News Anchor: Welcome back after the break. We continue to discuss Lady Cinderella’s deteriorating mental condition. In our studio, we have Lady Anastasia, her older stepsister. My Lady, what do you think about Lady Cinderella’s mental condition?

Anastasia: Well, nothing’s wrong with her mind, if you ask me! She always had a flare for dramatics. I remember, when Mamma fired the household staff of our estate and told her to manage the work, she cried for a whole week while working. And every night, she made such a show of body ache!

And when Mamma wouldn’t let her come to the ball with us, she looked like she was going to cry again! As if her dress was even worth it! Such drama!

News Anchor (hesitating): But your mother said it was Cinderella who fired the staff and declined to come to the ball?

Anastasia (too quickly): Oh, of course! I remember now! Anyway, I believe, Cinderella stole the clothes, jewellery, shoes and carriage and killed that coachman, simply because of her love for theatrics. And when the prince found her, she invented the ‘fairy’ godmother to cover it up.

News Anchor: Thank you, my Lady! (Addressing viewers) As you can all see, Lady Cinderella, apart from her mental instability, has a love for theatrics since childhood, which lead to the multiple thefts and the possible murder. We will further investigate this issue with another close relative.

Stay tuned for more scoop on the royal family drama. We will be back after a short break!

*****

News Anchor: Welcome back. In News at Six, we are discussing Lady Cinderella’s ‘fairy connections’. Her stepmother and older stepsister believe that she is mentally instable, has a love for theatrics and is capable of theft and murder. Next, we have in our studio Lady Drizella, her younger stepsister. My Lady, congratulations on your engagement with the Minister of Information and Media!

Drizella: Oh! Thank you. It was so unexpected. We had just met during Cinderella’s engagement with the prince, and, by the end of the evening, I had an engagement ring. Talk about a whirlwind romance!

News Anchor: That’s great! It is sad how your sister’s mental condition has put a damper on everything…

Drizella: Yes. It’s so embarrassing to be related to a liar like her. It could never have been her at the Ball. I think, she just got lucky with the shoes when the prince came looking for the actual girl. Then, she created the story of the ‘fairy’ to explain her dress and other stuff.

News Anchor: Do you mean to say that the girl at the Ball wasn’t her at all?

Drizella: Absolutely! That girl was stunning…the face…the grace…the way she danced…that girl was a real Princess!

News Anchor: Well, I don’t think she was that good.

Drizella: Oh, come on! Don’t be jealous. I know it was you in that sexy red dress that prince was dancing with when he saw her and dropped you like a rotten tomato.

News Anchor: I’m not jealous! And your face was all red when the prince didn’t even spare you a glance! The Minister proposed to you only because you’re a sister of the future Queen.

Drizella: He didn’t! And you just want Cinderella institutionalised to clear your way to the throne!

News Anchor: And why did your family ask for airtime on our news? Because your fiancé is second‑in‑line to the throne! Once the prince and his wife get discredited…

News Production Manager (trying to cover the screen amidst the sounds of a cat fight): We apologize for the technical issues. We will come back to you tomorrow with more information.


Author’s note: To be continued…

If you would rather read it all together in the book, Ugly: Twisted fairytales is available for free download here: Link

Photo by Andrea Guidera on Unsplash

Posted in Fiction, Published, Twisted fairytales

The Royal Scoop: Part 1 of 3

Author’s note: This is first installment of a Twisted Fairytale from my fifth short story compilation, Ugly: Twisted fairytales. It is a modern spinoff of the old Grimm’s tale, Cinderella.


News Anchor (with a huge smile): Welcome to News at Six.

In breaking news, the official Twitter handle of the royal family has declared that the wedding of Prince Charming with Lady Cinderella has been put on hold indefinitely.

As you all must be aware, Prince Charming had met Lady Cinderella at the annual royal ball last month. It was a whirlwind romance where the heroine had run away from the scene at midnight. When the prince had finally traced her as the daughter of the late Duke of Whining, she had claimed that her stepmother had detained her at home and her ‘fairy godmother’ had helped her escape to the party. She also claimed that the ‘fairy’ gave her an extremely expensive dress, crystal shoes and a custom‑built carriage along with the horses and a coachman; and that the ‘magic wore off’ at midnight leaving no trace of the ‘magical’ items except the shoes, one of which she had retained, while the other she had left behind while escaping from the palace. It was used by the prince to track her down.

After a failed attempt to make the prince reconsider the match, the royal family had quickly used its influence to hush the entire fiasco. But earlier today, our channel had released an exclusive video—a recording of Lady Cinderella, yet again, admitting to her chamber maids at the palace that she can interact with ‘fairies’. Since the confession questions the mental stability of the next queen, the issue is of national concern. While the royal family is taking the required measures to check the authenticity of the recording, our correspondents have tried to get to the bottom of this issue.

We have checked the possibility of mental instability.

It is important to note that in the recording, Lady Cinderella had again claimed that her dress, shoes, jewellery and carriage, along with the coachman, were created by ‘fairy magic’ and vanished at midnight. Since she has presented no proof of the said magic, we are also considering the possibility of theft of expensive clothes, jewellery, exclusive edition crystal shoes and custom‑built golden carriage and the murder of the coachman.

In our studio, we have Lady Cinderella’s stepmother, the Duchess of Whining.

My Lady, could you please let us know what you think of Lady Cinderella’s confession?

Duchess: Poor Sweetheart! She always was a little soft in the head. Losing her mother at age of six left her a little unhinged. But when she lost her father, my late second husband, she became delirious. She accused me and my daughters—her stepsisters—of foul play and closed herself off in a servant’s quarter. I let her cool down for a few days, but when she came out, she dismissed all servants, saying that we cannot afford them and suggested we take over household work. As if a Duchess would sweep the floors!

When I confronted her, she just took over all the work herself. She stopped going to social events and closed herself off.

On the night of ball, she told us she was unwell. So, we left without her. Little did we know that over the next few hours she would steal my daughter’s dress and jewellery, somebody’s shoes and carriage and, possibly, murder a coachman… All just so that she could make a dramatic entrance!

News Anchor: Thank you, My Lady! Could you please tell us about the jewellery she had taken?

Duchess (confused): Well, I’m not exactly sure. I never got a chance to get too close to her at the Ball. But there is no other way she could have costly jewels unless she had stolen them from someone!

News Anchor: Does she not have her own jewellery, considering she’s a Duke’s daughter?

Duchess (too quickly): Of course, she does. But since she does not use them anymore, I keep them safe.

News Anchor: Thank you, Madame! As you can all see, Lady Cinderella had a history of mental instability. We will further investigate this issue through her sisters.

Stay tuned for more scoop on the royal family drama. We will be back after a short break!


Author’s note: To be continued…

If you would rather read it all together in the book, Ugly: Twisted fairytales is available for free download here: Link

Photo by Andrea Guidera on Unsplash

Posted in My life, Nature stories

My Neighbour | The Derobed Princess

What can I say? These humans are too unpredictable.

My mother had warned me. She told me to make sure these humans understand where they stand on the social totem pole; to look down upon them with contempt and deny anyone who is calling; to make an appearance only when it could not be helped and I did just the same for an entire month.

My subjects would pick me up, give me back rubs, belly rubs, and ear scratch. They would take me out riding on their shoulders, offer me their pillows and chest to sleep on, and offer treats freely, and I started thinking I could trust them to behave; that I was winning.

I was too naive.

It was getting hot with all my hair–being a Persian cat, I am rather proud of my legacy, even though it is rather a troubled to be groomed every day and bear the temperature. I had to remind these humans to get one of those super cooling machines, what do they call it…Yeah! Air Conditioner. So, I tried sleeping inside bathroom as mom had instructed (she said it was fastest way to get results) but they wouldn’t let me. So I drank from the bathroom floor whenever I could sneak in to make a point.

But instead of bringing an AC, they got that roaring monster–Cooler! I declined to be in the same room as that rowdy creature! So, eventually, I started sleeping right outside the bath in the wettest area to get my point across. I would then walk all over the bed and sofa, dripping water, so they would make sure I am never hot enough to do that.

One of them actually seemed to be intelligent enough to “get” me because she started talking about it being too hot for all that fur. I was sure, they would finally but an AC.

But rather than getting an AC, the tall beardy one took me out on a walk and (shudder) cut off my fur! Ah, the disgrace! They didn’t just shorten it. They removed it completely–tonsured me! Now, the only fur I have left is on my face, fingers and tail.

And now they have jokes floating around about squiggly squirrel, miniature lion and lizard with a beard–all directed at me! I hate all of them!

So what, if they offer me treats…I mean I would not say no to it but that’s not the point! Even if they give me one of those mind-blowing belly rubs, ear scratch, back rub…

Or pick me up to cuddle with me…

Okay, maybe I will let them off the hook if they increase the treat…

And it really isn’t hot anymore too. Being tonsured isn’t too bad and the little one did say I still look cute. So may be, I will let this one slide.


Author’s note: Narrated to me by our newest family member, Dora, in Mewish–a language I am learning pretty fast.

Dora calls me “Mew” with the shortest emphasise on the vowel. Depending on the times it is called upon, I can tell if it is for cuddles or something urgent, like kitty treats. Since pet grooming services aren’t available here, and it was too hot for four-inch fur, we had to get Dora tonsured. Even though we are calling her a lizard, fake lion and a squirrel, she is still the cutest to us.

PS: What do you do if your kitten decides to sleep on your face?

Posted in Fiction, Published, Twisted fairytales

Doors: Part 2 of 2

Author’s note: This is second and final installment of a Twisted Fairytale from my fifth short story compilation, Ugly: Twisted fairytales.


Tonight, on Halloween, we came to this village to collect the last tooth for the next five years. The next kid in line is just one year old, so it will be some time before he loses his teeth. All day long, Nui had been alternating between being lost, excited and jumpy. Every time I asked, she behaved too innocently. So, of course, I told her, “I won’t let you enter those magical doors. We have no idea where they lead and whether they let you return.”

Her reply was, “What doors?” Obviously, I never let her out of my sight all day.

When we finally reached this kid’s house, there was a storm outside. We entered the house through a crack in the window. I started the process of retrieving the tooth, while Nui stood guard at the windowsill. A newly acquired cat jumped on me. For a quarter of an hour, I hide inside a closet worried out of my head about this girl until I realised the truth. There was no way the cat could outwit her. She left before the cat came in…

…which means she entered one of the doors.

So, after I managed to dodge the cat, I now stand in front of all these doors, trying to guess which one she took and come up blank. Her spell‑phone is not reachable. I have called out her name several times but, I’m afraid, she can’t hear me. I have called her boyfriend to check if she had discussed the door that she’d prefer…But he’s as dumb as ever, “You let that vile cat eat her!” As if a cat could ever catch her. She would tie its hands and legs and roast it on a spit before it could blink. She’s my guard for that very reason—she’s a Fighter!

When I tell him about the magical doors, he comes up blank. Did she never talk to him about them? All he has to say is, “You are trying to frame her for breaking the magical rules!”

Seriously! I understand he disbelieves me, but does he even know her? She never follows rules. “I’m going after her. Do you want to join me? Together we can cover more doors.”

Suddenly, his voice changes, guarded, “We aren’t sure where those doors lead. It is too dangerous for us…”.

After a few seconds’ hesitation, he sounds braver, “Anyway, we aren’t sure that she took the doors at all. Even if she did, we don’t know which one. You just said, there are too many doors, right? What if she isn’t in the door either of us take? We’ll never find her that way. I guess, we should report her to the authorities. They will send a search party. Meanwhile, we should just wait here for her to return.”

“Come on! Authorities will wait for twenty‑four hours. That could be too late.”

“It’s probably already too late. She could already be de…” He could not complete his sentence though—because I hexed his spell‑phone to shove up his ass. He will stay busy with it until another Spellman creates a counter‑spell.

But now, he can’t help me. So, I have to take a wild guess at the door she took. In my mind, I picture her fighting fantastic creatures and living her dreams. I’m scared. I am no Fighter, just a Spellman who knows a few magic tricks. But I want to be by her side when she wins the world. Most of all, I just want to be with her. I can’t stand the thought of never seeing her smile again.

I have only one chance to guess the right door. There is no guarantee that once I am in, it will ever let me out. If I choose the wrong one, I might be stuck without her forever. The thought scares me even more. So, I try my hardest to guess.

I decide to guess the doors she’ll never take—she hates the red‑, purple‑ and yellow‑coloured doors. She finds them too girly. She’ll never take the green one—it’s too small. If she wants to break the rules, she’ll do something grand. This leaves the two huge blue doors. I approach the bigger one with burns and scratches the size of a dragon’s nails. My hands shake at the thought of facing whatever is on the other side…

She could be fighting it alone!

With that scary thought, I gather all my courage, wave my wand and pull the door with all my magic. The door wouldn’t budge. I can’t even create a crack to peep in and see if I can spot Nui anywhere. The thought of losing her forever is driving me crazy. I move in front of the next door to see if I can find her there.

But before I can do anything, a small crevice opens in the first door and Nui falls out. My heart jumps into my throat as I fly to her, worried that I am too late. But she pulls me in a bear hug instead! “What took you so long?”

“Well, you didn’t exactly leave a forwarding address. Did you?” I’m too relieved to care that I’m shouting at her.

Ideally, this is when she kicks me, but she just smiles and says, “I knew you’d know where to find me.”

I don’t want to be placated. But how could I not be? She’s fine and back, speaking of which, “Why did you come back out? You could have just pulled me in. Now I have to try opening the damned door again.”

“Naah! They left without us. Anyway, I’m not sure I’m welcome anymore—I hit the doorman,” she shrugs. My brows rise up to my hairline, so she adds, “Well! I entered the door and was waiting for you in the lobby on the other side and heard you call my name. I shouted back but I guess you couldn’t hear me from the inside. Then I heard you call my guy. I was afraid he would want to come too, so I stayed quiet. I was cheering when you hexed him, when the doorman announced that we were leaving and the next flight would not be until Halloween next year.

So, I tried reopening the door to call you in, but he stopped me, quoting some guideline that the door mustn’t be opened from the inside. I could hear you trying to open the door with magic. You could have just pulled the handle, you know! I was worried that we’d leave you behind and the doorman still won’t let me open the door.

I decided it wasn’t worth it without you. So, I punched him and let myself out.” Blushing furiously, she entwined our fingers as we flew away to our next assignment.


Author’s note: To be continued…

If you would rather read it all together in the book, Ugly: Twisted fairytales is available for free download here: Link

Photo by Ranurte on Unsplash

Posted in Fiction, Published, Twisted fairytales

Doors: Part 1 of 2

Author’s note: This is first installment of a Twisted Fairytale from my fifth short story compilation, Ugly: Twisted fairytales.


Not sure which one she took—there are too many doors on this wall. Ever since the day we found this little nook in this village a couple of years back, Nui had been burning with curiosity. We come here often to collect the occasional teeth from under the pillow and look at these doors, but not as often as Nui would like to. With people having fewer children, there are fewer teeth to collect.

Okay, just in case you are confused, we are tooth faeries. She is a four‑and‑a‑quarter‑inch Fighter and I am a five‑inch Spellman. We are a team and we collect teeth together. Why?

Because, to pry out broken teeth from under the pillow, I have to cast the spells to prop up the child, move the pillow, place the coin and grab the tooth and then place the pillow and child back in place. (Not sure why they don’t just keep the tooth on the side‑table. It would be so convenient for us.) So, while I am using all my concentration for the spells, Nui stands guard to look out for any pet animals and keep them at bay.

Cats are especially nasty—stealthy, vicious and quick. Once, when my partner was out sick (a serious case of bird flu—her wings kept twitching like hummingbird’s and her voice sounded like a crow’s), a cat sneaked up on me. I found myself inside the cat’s stomach and it’s not a pretty sight. I had to tickle its intestine so that it would spit me out. Later, I had to shower for almost an hour to take off the muck from my hair. So, you get the drift…

So, all tooth fairies work in pairs to avoid such situations.

Between her and me, we have fifty‑seven villages to cover. You would think that we would be dying of overwork. But children are getting so rare now that there aren’t enough teeth to go around. In fact, most of the tooth fairies are forced to take up smithery or animal‑guard roles for smaller beings, like rats (desperate times!). Most of the teeth forges are now going out of commission too.

For any novices out there, teeth forges are where new human teeth are forged on order. Every end of the day, we submit the acquired teeth at the teeth forge. The teeth smith takes the measurements and DNA print and then forges new teeth to replace the old ones. The old teeth are recycled, of course. A delivery elf, then, submits the new teeth to the Great Guy on the seventh cloud to be dispersed as needed. All that is beyond our job role, of course.

Anyway, Nui and I are best friends, even though it is rather difficult. She has an adventurous spirit and a knack for getting into dangerous situations—like the day she decided to adopt a lost pup. He’s a Great Dane who loves catching anything that flies too close. It took us a couple of weeks and several trips to its stomach before it learnt not to catch faeries.

Her boyfriend—another Fighter fairy—doesn’t approve of the Dane. On second thought, he doesn’t approve of me either. He thinks I’m hitting on her. Initially, I told him, “Mate, I gave up on the day we became partners 93 years back.”

I had made a move on her on the first day at work and she gave me a black eye. Ever since then, I’ve stuck to being friends. But I keep that piece of information to myself. No need to humiliate myself when he doesn’t believe me anyway.

Well, his loss! Every now and then, he tells her to dump me, and she gives him the black eye instead.

Nui is the reason for being a tooth fairy worth it—it gives us an excuse to stick together all day. I think the Great Guy on the seventh cloud knows about it too and, hence, he hasn’t changed our pairing in all these 93 years—a rarity in our field.

That’s why, I let her drag me to look at these doors every time we’re in the village. They are inside an old building that belonged to a bunch of humans named ‘Karpenters’ once upon a time. They used to build things out of wood here. But a couple of decades ago, when a fire crashed a couple of walls and the roof, they deserted the place. Now, they say the place is haunted and no one visits it anymore, which suits us just fine. Every time we have an assignment in this village, we sit here for hours and look at these magical wooden doors.

How are we so sure they are magical?

Well, why would anyone place so many doors on the same wall, unless they all lead to different places? Deductive reasoning, you see.

Also, they are all different colours and sizes—some of them too small for grown up humans—and all of them are well‑worn. Some of them have claw marks all over them (Werewolves?) while one looks severely burnt (Dragons?). Nui loves to contemplate about where each door would lead us. Many times, she has asked me to come with her so that we could enter them together. I’m curious too but not crazy enough to try. With magic, you could never be sure where they would take us.


Author’s note: To be continued…

If you would rather read it all together in the book, Ugly: Twisted fairytales is available for free download here: Link

Photo by Ranurte on Unsplash

Posted in Fiction, Published, Twisted fairytales

Barred

Author’s note: This is a Twisted Fairytale from my fifth short story compilation, Ugly: Twisted Fairytales.


I stand staring at the bull’s head that guards the door for almost a minute before it acknowledges me, “You are not welcome here. You do not buy drinks or food. You do not pay. You just occupy a table to stare at the barmaid. So, I’ve been instructed to keep you out.” With those words, it goes silent and begins chewing the non‑existent cud—an old habit that is hard to die even after being mounted on a wall for centuries.

I’m rather crushed. I’ve been a regular for almost 56 years, and nobody has ever said a thing. It is the biggest bar on this side of the world. There are more tables than I can count. It’s not like my occupying a table would hurt their business…

I love the place.

It’s ancient in the literal sense of the word. It was probably built before the first human (What’s‑his‑name again?) was born. Anyone who ever sat with the owner for two minutes would know that his great‑great‑great‑grandfather had paid Irish pixies in emeralds for the intricate woodwork cabinets that hold hundreds of crystal bottles of finest witch‑brewed potions from around the underworld. The rustic urn sitting quietly on the side holds never‑ending fires from the depth of Tartarus as a payment by an escaping titan. The chiller next to the sea‑side window contains glacier ice from the Arctic Sea—investment by a mermaid who holds ten percent interest in the establishment. The colourful murals across the walls speak of the beauty across realms. Portraits of banshees, goblins, dwarves, ogres, trolls, will‑o’‑wisps and fairies adorn the bar walls. And the bewitched guardian bull’s head was a gift from my forefathers for harbouring and feeding numerous wizarding families like mine during witch trials.

*****

But that is not why I love this place so much that I have visited it every evening of my life, except the last month.

I look longingly through the window at the barmaid—my Luni, as I like to call her in my mind. I’m careful not call her that in the face though; she’s not the lovey‑dovey kind. It’s her first day at work after a month’s leave. How I miss her…

I sigh. She’s the prettiest ogress ever; and she looks even prettier when she mixes potions—her luscious grey lips pinched together tight in extreme concentration as she focuses on the exact quantities of the ingredients. Even one extra pinch of the volcanic ash can burn down the ancient wooden bar table; a drop of elixir less and the drink would become poison. She walks a tight rope all day, I’d say, but she never complains.

Hades! How I miss being inside the bar. I look at the guardian bull’s head again as he continues to ignore me. I know it is pointless to force my way in. Nobody can cross the threshold without its permission. My ancestors ensured that. Of course, I can watch her through the window from here too. But she is even prettier up close. Her skin is the colour of fresh cut grass; a sweet little pug nose is set between large onyx eyes that pull me in.

I love her!

Of course, my mother doesn’t approve. According to her, “What you need is a witch who can set her own cauldron and brew her own love potion; not someone who mixes readymade potions from the market. And she should be light enough to ride the broom with grace and not weigh it down!”

As if my Luni is heavy! In fact, she’s not as tall or curvy as other ogresses. Her petite frame barely reaches 8 feet and she’s well below the normal 500+ pounds. And she’s not a hare‑brained husband‑hunter. She always held her own without a man in her life.

*****

She looks up at the window, sees me and looks away smiling her secret smile. Suddenly, the truth dawns upon me—she’s the one who forbade me from entering. Now, I wasn’t taking any of that. So, I look back at the bull’s head. “I think, there’s a slight misunderstanding. The owner never had any problems with me before. Why would he forbid my entrance now?”

“He didn’t. The barmaid did.”

Ah, so I’m right. “Would you please ask her exactly why she forbade me from entering the bar?”

The bull’s head disappears from the mount behind him. I know from 56 years of experience that he has reappeared on the empty mount inside the bar directly behind this wall. He will announce the question. Once he has the answer, he’ll reappear outside. So, I wait patiently.

Soon, my patience is rewarded with an answer, “She said that you distract her. So, you are bad for business.”

“And how exactly do I distract her? I barely speak at the bar.”

The bull’s head rolls its eyes and disappears again. As he announces the question, I can see the customers stirring, looking at me through the windows, trying to understand the cause of the confusion. The cyclops winks at me

Or maybe, she was just blinking. With only one eye on her head, I can’t be sure, of course. The server elf gives me a meaningful smile and continues serving her table. The owner, a troll twice my size, gives me a thumbs‑up and goes back to his ledger.

The bull’s head reappears after some seconds. “You ogle at her from the table. It makes her itchy.”

“And how is that bad for business?”

The head gives a look of exasperation. It disappears with a dramatic sigh and reappears after some seconds with the reply.

“If she’s itchy, she gets distracted. What if she mixed the wrong potions? It would burn down the bar. She said that the bar table has enough scorch marks as a proof.”

“Well, I have been ogling at her for 56 years now. Could you please ask her what changed all of a sudden? Did she meet someone special during her month-long leave?”

The bull’s head is now close to tears, as expected. It disappears with exaggerated slowness and returns with a reply almost unwillingly. It probably knows that this one wouldn’t be the last, “She says, you know already.”

Of course, I do. She spent the leave with me. That’s why I miss her so fiercely. “Please ask her what she does not like—the ogling from the table or the ogling from the table? I mean, even if I stay out, I can ogle at her from the window too. Is it okay if I ogle at her from this distance?”

The dwarf on table 45 is now laughing so hard that he is in the danger of spilling his tarantula juice all over himself and his oracle date has napkins ready for the impending future.

If it wasn’t mounted, the bull would have gored me with its horns. Nose flaring with frustration, it snarled, “Look! I think, you two have mistaken me for a postal pigeon. I’m pretty tired with all this hanging around and I’m too old to be stuck between a newly married couple returning from honeymoon. Why don’t you sort this out with your wife directly?”

As expected, with those words, the door unlatches itself and hangs open so that I can enter. The pretty barmaid gives me her naughtiest smile as I take a table close to the bar a little later than usual and go back to gazing at my Luni.


END

Author’s note: If you would rather read it all together in the book, Ugly: Twisted fairytales is available for free download here: Link

Photo by Kathya Meza on Unsplash

Posted in Poetry

Be-asar | Urdu Poetry

Koshisho me kasar na thi, faqat yaqeen be-asar tha;

Me tinke beenane gaya, wo ghonsla chhod kar gaya.

Translation

It was never for the want

Of effort–just trust;

I just left to gather straws;

He left the nest.

Posted in Fiction, Published, Twisted fairytales

Captivated

Author’s note: This is a Twisted Fairytale from my fifth short story compilation, Ugly: Twisted fairytales. It is a twisted version of the original Grimm’s fairytale, Rapunzel.


For somebody who had spent her entire life on the top of a tower, this entire fiasco is nothing short of earth‑shattering. I only had a few dreams…a little grass beneath my feet and the freedom to walk away. Mother had never allowed me to set a foot outside this sad place. There was no one but occasional birds for company. She said she was afraid I would leave her. She was probably right.

I would often sit at the single open window, singing to myself. One day, when this man came calling and said, “Lady! You have an angel’s voice,” I wondered who this ‘Angel’ is. So, I asked him to come in…the usual way, of course—grab the hair; I pull up! He seemed impressed. He said he never saw a woman with such long hair and unbelievable upper‑arm strength.

Then, of course, I was curious what a ‘Woman’ is? At first, he was amused by my questions. And then, he told me about women and men…and babies that look like angels. And then, of course he told me what a ‘Baby’ is. Being stuck inside the tower forever, my knowledge of outside world is quite inadequate.

He was patient with me. He showed me how babies were made—seems like lots of jostling and biting is involved, but the nice kind that makes you look forward to making babies all the time.

He kept getting tangled up with my hair, which was kind of funny to see. He asked whether I would mind if he cut them short. I told him Mother might not appreciate having to wait outside until I grow them back. He was curious about her—what she did, where she went during the day and why she lived in a tower without stairs. He went snooping around the floor. I’m sure, he would have loved to check the lower floors too but there was no door.

He was rather suspicious of our broom that stood solemnly in a corner. He asked me what it was for. Seriously! Didn’t he know what brooms did? They flew, of course. How else did Mother manage to bring me up here in the first place before my hair grew long? And of course, they cleaned the floor if you asked nicely and swatted the occasional rats and spiders that infested the place. This one, however, was a piece of scrap now—too old and out of juice.

The way he looked at the cauldron, I wondered if he is expecting something to jump out at him. I told him it wasn’t happening. Mother quit all such endeavours ever since the last undead experiment—nothing freaks you out more than a half‑built, recently‑dead man running out of the cauldron, deluded that you are his still‑alive wife. The moaning, groping of hands, chasing around to declare undying love, the smell of hot flesh still fresh from the fire…He didn’t quit howling and asking for forgiveness until he timed out at dawn. Mother decided against ‘building’ anyone out of the cauldron after that.

Somehow, that lead him to believe that I was a ‘captive’ of a ‘witch’. I told him she was my Mother but, still, he insisted on leaving before she arrived. He also made me promise not to rat him out. In turn, I made him promise to return the next day and teach me more about other good stuff. So, he came.

For many days, we tried but I didn’t see any baby arrive. Realizing that he was getting the process wrong somehow, I suggested that we try throwing some herbs in the cauldron like Mother did the other day to create a baby. But he insisted to continue trying his way.

So, we kept up to it until the day Mother came home quite earlier than usual.

She soared in right through the open window on a cool broom with a pretty pink handle, a fitted double‑seater pink seat and pink dyed twigs at the other end. She was super‑excited when she called me to get on the backseat, so I could fly with her outside everyday.

Then, she saw him…and me…together…

Something snapped inside her. She started hollering about not trusting kids ever again; nowhere being safe enough to raise a pretty daughter; and of men who deceived innocent girls into giving up their chastity (whatever that means). And then, she started shouting swear words. Most didn’t any make sense, but when she called the prince a ‘son of a bitch’, he turned into one (at least that is what Mother says).

When Mother cooled down enough, I asked if I should turn him back into a human. But, apparently, swear‑magic cannot be undone. So, I just kept him as a pet. He is cuddly and sweet. Sometimes he sulks around the tower looking for exits but he is mostly quiet and only barks to intimidate the occasional princes that happen to visit.

Honestly, he is a much better company this way.


END

Author’s note: If you would rather read it all together in the book, Ugly: Twisted fairytales is available for free download here: Link

Photo by Karsten Würth on Unsplash