Posted in Life and After

Safe

Author’s note: Based on my real-life incident. Life has a way of showing us, doesn’t it?

My father had warned me that if I didn’t crack the exam for the University-affiliated girls school, he will have no choice but to send me here. I could now see why he had warned me. I was horrified when I had to don a salwar-kurta uniform complete with white, starched dupatta rather than the smart pleated-skirt uniform I was so habitual of. But as I stepped inside the high walls of my new Inter college, my mortification was complete.

I had been blessed to be born in an upper-middle class family. My father was a Class 1 State employee who was frequently transferred to different cities. He always ensured we received the best possible education. As a result, I had studied in some of the priciest private schools around western Uttar Pradesh state of India.

But as he said, I had left him no choice this time–the private school that I had joined in the second year of high school had a very bad reputation with too many stories about drug abuse and boyfriends. (In India, boyfriends and drugs come in the same category of nasty.) With my brother out of the city, my father couldn’t have someone to ‘take care’ of me at school, so he decided to move me to a ‘safer’ school (a girls-only school, to be precise). Not many girls-only schools were available and I had failed the entrance test for the only other option. So, here I was, full of horror, thinking of what my future held in store for me.

As soon as I entered the place, a creepy sensation took over. If the place was like this during the day, I can only imagine how it felt at night. Good that they didn’t have any night classes. According to the popular legend, the place was a dharmshala (public resthouse) for around a century when it was converted into a school in 1957. Not sure if the story was true, but the place really looked the part. The place was built in a really old design with very high walls and paint that was already darkening inspite of the recent paint job, thanks to the combination of dust from main road and rainy season. The first thing that I noticed inside was an old peepal tree that served as the centre piece of the front courtyard. (In India, peepal trees are supposed to be haunted.) The entire place had a dark foreboding feeling about it, as if it was haunted. As I stepped inside the door leading to the classrooms, it felt like entering a tunnel. The said tunnel was rather short and opened, within a few feet, in a corridor around the open internal verandah. But somehow, everything felt darker, as if colour has been sucked out of my world. I wondered how I will manage two years when even two breaths felt long enough.

When I reached my classroom, all the seats still standing were taken. The rest were broken and moved to the side so a lot of girls were sitting on desks. The classrooms were built around the internal verandah and were supposed to be light and airy. But in reality, they were too dark to aid any studies. The tube-lights were all out-of-order. The only sources of light were the two doors in each classroom. Even though there were two large windows on the other wall, the net on them was coated with decades of dust. The only fan was weighed down with dust and wasn’t moving at a speed worth mentioning. The floor was made of bricks, but you couldn’t really make it out considering the amount of dust settled on it.

What else could you expect out of a semi-charity school. The fee was a measly Rs. 60 per year (nearly half a pound a year). My books and notebooks costed another couple of pounds–very inexpensive even from Indian standards. Naturally, 99 percent girls came from families that couldn’t afford their education anyway.

I was in shock.

All my previous friends still studied in schools where a single book costed more than my entire year’s school fee and all the books combined. I was sure, had they seen this school, they would have disowned me. Also, this school was Hindi medium. To someone whose only pride was her command on English language, it was a rather strong push down the totem-pole into nothingness.

But the alternative was missing the school year and preparing better for next, which really wasn’t an alternative at all. Cursing myself for not making a better effort at entrance exams, I took a seat on the back desk.

The first lesson was Hindi literature, and the teacher was insightful. It was impossible to take notes sitting on the desk and book in my lap, but I managed to write in page corners. Listening to those ancient verses, I could almost forget where I was. It was nothing like what I had studied in English-medium schools.

Once the teacher was gone, there was a scramble to find the next classroom, I found myself quietly following a group that seemed to know where they were going. The classroom was on the upper floor and cringe-worthy–small, no lighting, fan hardly working but the teacher was amazing. That inexpensive book worth 5 Rupees (around 5 pence) held the kind of knowledge that I could die for. And end of the period, I was talking to some of the girls while walking with them to the next class.

They were as different from my previous friends as possible. Most of them came from conservative families, seeking to keep their daughters ‘safe’. Some had very less income. They could not have afforded education without this school. Some of them had too many siblings and wore hand-me-down uniforms that they would hand down to their younger sisters someday. Some of them were even untouchables by caste. They had dealt with the lack of means early in life.

But somehow, this knowledge only rose their esteem higher in my eyes. They had been pushed in a tight corner, but they are making an effort to get out of it. They had dreams too–they were pursuing Arts because some of them wanted to join Civil Services, like my father. Others wanted to be teachers, or perhaps Professor in a college once, not if, they crack the NET exam. The school also had a Science section where students harboured dreams to become Doctors, Engineers and more. Some of the girls wanted to be housewives, but it was a choice and not submission on their part.

The best lessons I received in life come from this school, both inside and outside the classroom–about unfairness of life; non-uniformity of money distribution and life below poverty line; about creativity and ambition that cared for no obstacles; about not being defined with price tags on dresses. The teachers and classmates–a lot of them long-time friends–made it worth it.

Yes, the place is actually haunted. Once, some invisible being had locked me in the courtyard washroom at the end of the lunch period and was tickling my spine. I was scared shitless and could not even gather a scream for help. I would have been stuck for a long time with my invisible companion. But I was blessed with friends who cared and came looking. Of course, they knew about the ghost. A couple of them had been in my sitution too. That day, we all sat on the chabutara (raised dais) of the haunted peepal tree and laughed about it.

And for all my father’s effort, he shouldn’t have bothered–there were more boys stationed outside my new girls-only school than inside a co-education.

Well, at least there were no drugs!


*Disclaimer: Note that India has a lot of government schools. Most are well maintained. This one is semi-charity and an exception.

Posted in Life and After, Love

Museum

Not sure why I went inside museum that day. Was it boredom? Loneliness? Morbid curiosity? Or just the hope of seeing Cleo again?

It would be fair to say that he was neck deep in Egypt…or may be deeper still. He was absolutely in love with that place. In fact, the first time I had met him was inside city museum’s underground Egyptian section. I was bored with no plans and had gone alone. I was admiring the gold throne when Cleo had approached me and offered a tour of the section. He did not even introduce his friend, who had smiled and left us alone.

He seemed quite well informed on the subject of ancient Egypt and his enthusiasm was contagious. He talked like a 13-year-old on a trip to football stadium. Soon, I was skipping along his side from display to display. He had stories about each piece-the pottery and the potters; the carving and the carvers; the sacrophagus (the ancient Egyptian caskets) and the mummies hidden inside–the king and one of his slaves. He was intelligent and witty and had a quirky sense of humour. He was chivalrous but not overbearing. He treated me like a queen, and no woman can ignore that kind of attention. When at the end of visiting hours, he asked me to visit again, I could not help but promise to return the next weekend.

So, for seven weekends, we met at the museum. We laughed and talked. I told him about my life at college, my dorm room and crazy roommate. He told me about his childhood antics, crocodiles on the Nile, pyramids and Egypt. He was holding back his present life though as if he wasn’t ready to share it yet. He didn’t tell me what he did for a living and if he had a family back in Egypt.

It worried me a little, but I wasn’t the one to probe. And we had time.

His interest in me felt genuine though. When we held hands as we walked through the museum discussing different displays, I could feel that he was as reluctant to let go of my hand as I. Sometimes, he would look in my eyes with the look that made me wonder if he was going to get down on one knee and ask me to marry him. I would have said “Yes” without doubt, even if it meant moving to Egypt with him.

But he never asked the question in words and I didn’t know how to begin that coversation–especially since we were never alone. He wouldn’t leave the museum–he lived on campus, or so he said. He wouldn’t come out with me for dinner, lunch or even coffee. He always had something to do, something to show, something to talk about, which was not his life or our future. He didn’t even have a mobile phone number, so we couldn’t connect unless I visited the museum.

Three weeks back, he told me he was moving to Egypt; and it seems that he had known the fact for a long time. Apparently, a certain part of the Egyptian display the museum, including the mummies of the king and his slave, had come from a private collector. His family had acquired it from the black market a couple of centuries ago without the consent of Egyptian government, as was the norm in those days. But a team of Egyptian researchers had traced them back to the correct tomb a few years back. They had discussed the matter between the two countries and were moving the collection back to where it belonged. Cleo was leaving with it, back to where he belonged.

And I wanted to go with him. Though I knew nothing about him, his job, his life back in Egypt or his family but I knew it wasn’t just a holiday romance. We had barely touched each-other and yet, I could feel my heart breaking over the news.

That day, the love in his eyes said everything, even if he wouldn’t. Even as he spoke of different layers in society, of commoners, of priests, of nobles, of princes and kings of divine origin and of slaves who worked under them and were buried alongside their master to serve them in afterlife, I saw in his eyes something akin of a desperation–a burning question, as if he was seeking permission to say something. I had asked him what it was, but he had simply shrugged. I could see he was holding back.

I couldn’t bear his silence now because we were running out of time. He would leave for Egypt, and I would never see him again. I wondered if I should propose him instead but so far I had only guessed his intentions. I had no clarity. What if I was wrong and I didn’t mean as much to him as he did to me? What if he had a wife waiting on the other side of the sea?

He still wouldn’t talk about his family and friends or what he thought of our future together. He wouldn’t even come out of the damned museum for a short walk with me.

Angry, I had walked out that day. He had stood at the gate looking at me with desolate eyes, but he hadn’t stopped me.

It was a difficult fortnight. I couldn’t eat or drink. Sleep defied me, no matter what I did. I even went on a date to take my mind off the matter, but it felt like cheating, even though, logically speaking, we had never been together–just a few friendly meetings at the museum. But all I could think of was of Cleo’s fingers wrapped around mine; and how I would lose him forever.

The eve of the movement day arrived with announcement of the big news on Television and Newspapers. They had called it an act of international goodwill; an Egyptian king and his treasure being returned to his people. It would bring a lot of tourism and, in turn, employment to the cities around the tomb where he will be placed back. Cleo will probably play the tour guide there or whatever he did for a living. The thought alleviated the ache in my heart so much that I could scarcely breath.

He was leaving…

Without me…

I sat huddled in my bed all day, not eating, not sleeping, not responding when my roommate asked if I wanted to go out and grab lunch. I just wanted to be left alone, so she complied. But loneliness pricked more than ever. He didn’t have a phone but he had my number. He could have called. He chose not to.

He was leaving…

Without me…

May be it is better his way. I wouldn’t be able to afford the tickets, passport and visa to Egypt. God knows whether Cleo has enough money for the two of us. May be that’s why he…

He was leaving…

Without me…

I am not sure how I reached museum. I don’t remember making a decision to. But my feet ached as if I had walked all the way. I only realised I was there when the guard at the main gate stopped me. Apparently, the museum was closed earlier than usual because there were certain Egyptian rites to re-coronate the mummified king before the big movement the next day. The coronation was obviously a marketing strategy to raise the excitement and, in turn, tourism to his tomb. The museum staff has been given the day off and only select few Egyptians were allowed. A dread settled in my gut along with hope–Dread that I wouldn’t be able to meet Cleo. Hope that he must be here. He wouldn’t miss such a rare Egyptian event. He must have found a way to get in. I had to get in too, somehow. When begging for an entry got me nowhere, I decided to change tactics.

I had noticed a small hole in the wall on the other side of the museum on my walks with Cleo around the place. It can serve as a foothold to jump in. There was also an emergency exit, which is always open.

So, I walked around the wall and used the foothold. It was too small, and I could only get a toe in, so I left my shoes behind and jumped in barefoot. The emergency exit was open. With all staff out, I was free to explore.

The place felt weird and darker, probably because of the lack of the usual staff. And once the adrenaline wore off, I was slightly scared to be alone. I could smell incense in the air along with many other smells I could not understand. A different sense of dread clutched my heart–I shouldn’t be here. I should have waited outside along with the guard. I wished Cleo was here alongside me to fill the silence with his chatter.

As I walked to the Egyptian display room, I wondered if I should go back and wait outside but I couldn’t make myself give up. Cleo was so close, I could almost smell him, or was it the insense? The fragrance was stronger closer to the Egyptian display and so was the sense of dread. I opened the door just a sliver and peeped in.

The room had a pile of large shopping boxes packed on one side. Two sacrophagus lay open.

It seemed they were play-acting. Cleo’s friend was sitting on the throne in a regal dress. A fire burned in the middle of the room. Another man was reading a book aloud. I shifted a little and saw several people sitting on one knee, head down, listening. Cleo was there too, not hiding like me but out front. His clothes resembled that of a slave as he had once shown me in a display. His face was just as desolate as the last time.

The sound of the book closing with a low thump drew my eyes to the reading man. He was now walking to the throne with a crown. Once he placed it on the man’s head, everyone bowed with their noses on the floor. Cleo did too.

Nothing made sense.

The man with the book spoke a few versus again and looked expectantly at the “king”. He nodded regally.

And his face and hands started to shrivel. Horrified, I wanted to tear my eyes off him, but fear held me still. Before my very eyes, bandages replaced his royal garb and he went limp. One of the men in the congregation picked him up gingerly and lay him in his sacrophagus. Unable to comprehend, I looked at Cleo for some kind of explanation but someone had picked him up too and placed him in the other sacrophagus.

Posted in Random Thoughts

In the Azure Skies

Glowing,

the new bride,

walks in her golden gown,

hands shaking, trembling inside, holding head high.

Sweeping

golden train behind

warms cold earth and hearts,

bringing hope with new beginnings, fresh starts.

Walking

through azure sky,

she meets her forever love,

waiting on the horizon, dressed in white.

Blushing

she stands alongside.

Birds sing the wedding vows.

Moon kisses Day. She swoons, come night.

Posted in Nature

Young Morning

Face red, arms wide,

sun jumps in the lap of sky–

dew tears forgotten.

chirping and chatting,

pushing back the white

swaddles of cotton

covering her dainty pink feet–

as the world rises yet again

to their princess greet.

Posted in Random Thoughts

Happy Independence Day

Happy Independence Day to all Indians, and Pakistanis too. Freedom is a right and also a responsibility.

For 200 years, countless people–both Hindus and Muslims–died for it.

Now that we have our land, let’s make it home with love, respect and care. Only then can we repay the sacrifices our forefathers made.

Jai Hind!

Posted in Random Thoughts

I Never Did Like Shakespeare

Heavy, verbose, rhyming, Elizabethan words

Stare at me with hidden meanings.

Plots of revenge, angry tirades,

All in couplets! I wonder.

Angry, I can barely rhyme,

thoughts jumbled, words escape me.

I would pound with fists

not sing sonnets, immortalising insanity.

I open the dictionary a thousandth time,

I wonder if this is it for me.

It is.

Closing the book, in a moment of weekness,

I glance at the pages

Julius accuses,

“Et too Brutus!”

Guilt looks down at me.

Nay, I would rather readeth

to killeth time

than the read killeth me.

I never did like Shakespeare!


Author’s Note: With due respect to Shakespeare, who wrote timeless books that explored complex emotions and have endured the passing of four centuries.

“Sir, you wrote lovely verses I never understood. :)”

To readers: Do you like Shakespeare? Which book was your favourite? Which is your favourite quote?

Posted in Nature

My Neighbour: The Single

I lay there alone sighing, hearing the two of them in the next room showing off their newest bed cover–chatting around obnoxiously happy. Unfortunately, that particular cover comes only for double beds. I, however, am still single.

I hate being single! Being the only one in the room sucks!

Well, to be honest, I am not exactly alone here…

There is this metal almirah who is really cold. Her nose is so high up in the air, I wonder if she lives on Ozone rather than Oxygen. She thinks of us wood-forms as far beneath her status. It doesn’t even creak when you ask a question. Just the swish of the key and click of the lock when the humans open and close it–not even an opening groan that steel almirah’s are so famous of making.

Not that I am prejudiced against all metal-forms–the chair is nice enough. It must be the soft seat and comfy backrest that put her at ease.

The study table is friendly–all wooden, nice and warm. He often bumps into me since he is my immediate neighbour.

But they are both together–the table and the chair. And I really can’t deal with how they behave all lovey-dovey and keep trying to touch each other every now and then.

Then there is this tiny side-table who sits on my other side and keeps chattering all day. The number of times it opens its drawers! I’ve never seen such a chatter-box–stating random facts about the pigeons and butterflies out of the window and singing nursery rhymes with birds. Sounds cute for a short time. But, admit it, it does get a little over much after a couple of hours, at least for a bachelor like me.

Sigh! So, well, I am not really alone, but it is not the same thing as having someone who is with you. Being single sucks!

Posted in Life and After

Tired

Tired, arms aching, I push myself further in water.

“Stop struggling,” my brain reminds me, “Just float, would you?”

I can not!

Around me, bodies lie supine, floating, listless, un-dead;

Staring at the stars, waiting for them to move; waiting…

Just waiting…

What stars would do once they do move, they wouldn’t know that.

Eyes glazed out; their smile is one of memory not hope

of future…

Waves push around un-struggling wherever, whenever.

They float along, no questions asked, no dreams to nurture.

Just wait till…

I should give up swimming too; easier to float away.

Water is heavier on my arms with each passing day.

I would not!

Lost and tired and nowhere now, I choose my own course.

Drown soon I might, that would be my choice, no star decides

my life’s shore!

Posted in Random Thoughts

Not Sure

I am a little skeptic about what to write today but I thought I would ramble because I have seen people do that for years on their blogs with successful results. Sure, it needs wit and sarcasm in buckets that I lack (I mean, wit and sarcasm, not buckets), but I can try, because if a spider can do it and King Bruce can do it, then, surely I could too. Though, I’m not sure I will attempt it seven times–I am not a serial killer! Only when I have nothing to write about but a wish to talk and my daughter and husband are out, safe from the tirade of words that sometimes escape me…

You see, sometimes I just feel this urge to speak about nothing and everything and nothing in general. I comment on weather, household work, workload, office mails, lack of mails, lack of phone calls, too many phone calls, school uniforms, school books…

Those are the days when my husband bolts out of the house on the pretext of taking my daughter to school and skips breakfast because he is “busy”. That is when my brother-in-law gets an urgent phone call and father-in-law has work to do, of course.

So, usually, I bore my mother-in-law then. The poor old thing is too frail to run out of the house, so she listens to me, patiently guiding me to the topics that makes sense, like a psychologist. The only thing missing is the recliner. Maybe I will arrange one and make it official…

As you must have realised, I still haven’t found a topic to write about, but the nervous energy has me on the roll, like the geo-magnetic solar storm that was supposed to hit Earth yesterday, invisible yet ever present. I wonder if it is the reason why I am so restless–we all have iron in our blood and if there are too many magnets in the air, it must be jumping around, changing poles from north to south, then north, then south again. I feel tremors passing through me that some might call as a sign of stroke or magic or other paranormal activity, but I know as the sign of restlessness that gets me going, holding my hand and making me push buttons.

Maybe it is a divine intervention–a sign that I should stop writing stories and turn this blog into a ramble-blog. Afterall, I have created a post out it, haven’t I? 😀

Posted in Random Thoughts

Hum kehte nahi, woh sunte nahi

Wo ujala aaj-kal khamosh hai,
Mujh andhere ko roshan wo karta nahi,
Chiraag jalte the raat bhar jinki raaho me,
Wo shams ab raho me jalta nahi.
The light is rather mute;
It doesn’t penetrate my night.
Whose path my lamps lighted in dark,
My path that Sun does not light.
Maikado ne unko aawaz di,
Jaam bhar ke yuhi chhalak gaye,
Palko ke lafz bikharate rahe umr bhar,
Hum kehte nahi, woh sunte nahi.
Glasses called wordlessly;
Wine kept filling and spilling–
Eyes lost words through life;
I didn’t say, he heard nothing.
Posted in Love

Missed

Thin string of love

Tying life together,

Lost inside

the thicks beads of

Vile abuses and angry rants,

Found never,

Missed forever…