Posted in Love, Nature

My Neighbours: The Guy in Tailcoat

Sometimes, you just don’t know what to say to a uninvited guest, specially someone who is all decked up for the occasion.

When this guy showed up on the pretext of ‘just being around and curious of the huge doll house’, it was clear that things were not as they seem to be.

Our cue: He was wearing a tailcoat. I hadn’t invited him to my marriage’s dinner celebration, did I?

The guy was unapologetic as he leaned on one wall and made small talk about the ‘nice green walls’ and improving ecology, clearly not in a hurry to leave anytime soon. I wondered what had actually brought him here, until I found his attention wavering towards the wall behind me too often and his smile becoming too charming…where Stella, the Spider, was weaving her new house that sparkled like a rainbow in the sunlight. It had also caught some cute dew drops from the night before–pearls of finest quality.

The guy dropped all pretence of making a conversation, looking at her unblinking. He had stopped breathing, I think.

I could clearly see where it would all lead. All I can say is that Stella has got herself a very willing catch!

Someone call a priest!

Posted in Nature

I am Ron Weasley

Some of you might have heard of my post about the rebellion amongst the minions in my castle. Bees, wasps and spiders had taken over the place as a revenge for Eid-cleaning. We had been hiding out in the tunnel that Matthew, the rat, had built last year. In return, we had to promise to never use the not-so-poisonous rat poison that his kids were addicted to. He said it was disgraceful in extreme to find his kids rolling around the drains, and the new rats–that were moving in to try the ‘stuff’–were bad influence!

Well! So, we hid there for around a fortnight, until we were able to sign a peace treaty with the rebels. It includes the No Wall Cleaning, No Honey Usage and No Destruction of Web/Nest/Hive clauses.

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I can finally truly empathize with Ron Weasley from the Harry Potter book. The way he confessed his fear for spiders. Remember the scene of Aragog’s lair? Spiders roughly the size of a car covering every inch of the space and crowding around the heroes clicking their pincers. It is my recurring dream now.

My three-year old daughter decided to commemorate the occasion(?) of treaty with the following painting.

You can see three humans–Me in the front, baby in the middle and W covering our backs– as we run away from the spiders that surround us.

And we end up running right into them, like a zombie horror show, alien attack or End-of-World movie. The pictures came too close for comfort!

If you find too many legs on each spider in the picture, I must remind you, my daughter is a pro, and takes creative liberty in her pieces. Moreover, it is the thought that counts. Eeeek!

Posted in Nature

My Neighbours: The Rebel

The lockdown has shown us weird things, but this is weirdest of all. If you have have read the Minions, you probably already know the context of this war.

Our house is under attack.

Ever since the recent house cleaning during Bakrid holidays, we had sighted increased activity close to our borders. While the reaction from the Arachne clan was expected who lost several lives in the process, their alliance with the neighbouring Wasp and Bee clans is rather surprising.

For the past five years, we had refrained from open hostilities on either sides. Our relationship had been rather cordial. We’d allowed free passage to the visiting bees and wasps, and had traversed outside our house and beneath their trees without an incident. But lately, we have seen a change in the pattern on their side.

Suicide attacker bees have been entering our borders stinging unassuming and unprepared civilians. While it is rather crippling experience for some time, it seems to be a ruse to hide the unauthorised infiltration by wasps.

There have been unofficial sightings of wasps entering our borders and lingering longer than needed, in spite of clear laws against outstaying their welcome. We have also found several bunkers hiding young soldiers along with food supplies. All this has forced us to revisit our rules regarding our dealings with foreign personnel.

  • Amendment 1: Don’t pay heed¬†Swipe with a broom if they enter.
  • Amendment 2: Escort to window Hit with shoes if they do not leave immediately.

Some residents have also noticed unusual activities on the outer railings and windows of our house that are becoming full of spider webs overnight. While it was a usual occurrence overtime, the duration has decreased twenty times and the impacted area has increased ten folds, making it look like a well-planned strategy.

Considering that spider webs are three times stronger than steel wires, and the doors are being guarded by wasps and bees, it seems that the three clans–Arachne, Wasp and Bee–plan to trap us inside the house by cutting off all avenues of retreat, to be slayed by the hidden wasp, bee and spider soldiers.

Unprepared, we are trying to fight back with whatever comes to hand–brooms, mops, shoes–but, clearly, we are fighting a losing battle, like Lord Voldemort’s men dealing with an army of house elves, not sure how to fight back their magic.

The future looks bleak. We might have to flee through the hidden tunnel that Matthew built earlier this year (that is, if it is not already sealed by the spiders)–and leave the house to the rebels.

God save us!

Posted in Nature

My Neighbours: The Minions

Not sure what went wrong that day. We had never seen the Giantess in such a rage before.

We have lived in the castle in harmony with the Giantess for many generations. She’s a mage–she sits in front of her magic crystal box, and as moves her fingers across, moving pictures of far and beyond appear showing what, clearly, is the future. Sometimes, she chants in languages unknown and moves her hands and feet (she has only two each) in a ritual dance. But in spite of all her eccentricities, mostly, she’d been gentle and unobtrusive for centuries.

My grandma often told us stories about her opening windows to let out the trespassing bees and wasps rather than crushing them under foot, as is the usual practice among giants. Hence, yesterday, her actions came as unexpected.

She came to us with her face covered and swiped with a long sword with a big round top. Scared, we all moved back until our backs hit the wall and there was nowhere to hide. We ran in all directions. But she kept following one or the other, cursing and panting and puffing. Most of us took refuge in the various caves in the walls. Those who couldn’t were murdered in cold blood. When her sword couldn’t reach those of us in the caves, she became frustrated and broke our little houses.

Then she continued this act in all the halls, killing quite a few of my kin within the hour.

Now that we are done with the mourning, we’ve decided to avenge our dead. We’ve spoken to the Queen Bee and various Wasps around the place and they agree that the Giants, as they spend most of their time at home planning and plotting, are slowly becoming unhinged, and cannot to be trusted; and that our Giantess is now in league with the Dragons who abound the castle.

Hence the Bees and Wasps are now our allies and we are planning a joint attack tonight with our full combined forces, and take over the castle.

Let the world see that minions shall not be belittled.


Free photo by DivyadarshiAch1 on Unsplash

Posted in Nature

My Neighbours: The Displaced

Photo by Kyaw Tun on Unsplash

I tell you, this woman is crazy! Who makes a fish take a bath every day? My room looks so shiny, I wanna puke. I had worked so hard to make this place look homey. And she cleaned it!? Again?

Now I have to poop again! How much can a fish poop in a day?

And then she talks to me…as if I care! I don’t even look at her, but she’s like, “Hey Michael! How was your day? What did you do? Did you miss me?” As if I’d ever! I want to just lie here and meditate but there is nowhere to hide from her anymore–because, she cleaned my damned room! Is there no privacy in this house?

And she tells me I’m a girl! Because she saw my eggs? Seriously, can she even tell fish poop from eggs?

Moreover, Richa says I’m a boy. She’s raised me as a boy.

By the way, where is Richa? Why did she leave me with this nutcase? How could she? She didn’t even ask me first–just handed my room and food to her, and was gone.

I miss her!

Richa knew I hate bathing. She bathes me only when I am really filthy, like once in a moon. And she doesn’t talk to me when I was sleeping, or not in the mood. So, when she does, I want to listen. She has been my roommate for 20 months…20 months of peace and quite. Enough for me to fall in love with her.

But all of it is gone now.

Had I been younger, I would have been happy for the new adventure. But I am too old for this excitement.

I hope Richa realises her mistake and comes back for me before this monster cleans my handiwork again. I swear I’ll bite her if she so much as touches it again!


Author’s note: This story is in memory of Michael, my roommate for 2 weeks when Richa went on a vacation. He was a beautiful red lake-water fish with fins like butterfly wings. Since the seller had cautioned against housing him with other fishes, I believe he was carnivorous. Also, his eyes were in the front, making him resemble a Cheetah with wings. In his two week visit, he never acknowledged my presence.

He missed Richa. When she returned, he came forward looking at her expectantly with love, a look I wish he had given me. I think I was in love.