Posted in Random Thoughts

About ACs and other woes

Author’s note: I think the context of the post is very Indian because it directly relates to the weather and culture here.

Lately, I have been down on posts so much, I wonder if I have the right to own a WP account. My entire family has been ill (me included)–viral fever relapsing every week. My daughter had been on anti-biotics until day before yesterday.

We were worried that it was something sinister and got tested but nothing!

And then, my daughter’s doctor diagnosed the real cause–Air Conditioning (AC) at school! In India during changing weather of September, the difference between day and night temperature can be 16-17 degrees but this change is gradual and happens over the course of day. Then, imagine walking to school at 30C only to sit in a classroom at 16-20C and then walking out again in the afternoon at 35C. Add to that even one infected child in the room–one sneeze and Boom!

So, as soon as my daughter had announced in May that her school was installing AC in all classrooms, my first reaction was “Why?” And now it is “Damn!” (Sorry about swearing but…)

I don’t understand the whole point of having AC in school.

My whole generation had one or two fans among the 50+ classmates and we fared just fine. Infact, it made us more active outdoors since the outside temperature didn’t turn us to ashes. I remember painting one of my school walls during summer afternoon (without sunscreen) for the annual sports event. It was Fun! I also remember cycling and walking back from a couple of my schools in the afternoon sun. It never bothered me. I just needed a handkerchief to wipe off the sweat and a water-bottle with unfiltered school water and a good deal of street-food to deal with the day.

And now, children are travelling with RO water-bottles in AC buses to AC schools and returning to AC homes, jumping directly to mobile phones gaming, cartoons or Netflix! No climbing trees, no building makeshift swings, no stealing mulberries and black plums from neighbours’ gardens, no crazy cycling, no snooping on bird nests, no digging out colourful stones in the garden, no splashing around in water while watering plants, no walking on the low walls to imitate tight-rope walkers, no playing in the rain, no building tombs for dead butterflies…

Sigh! I wonder what kind of world we are building for our children.

Posted in Life and After, Love

Yesterday

She stands in middle of the raucous party.

Do I dare?

No, I don’t.

Of course, I choose to live in the past.

It is the safest place to be.

There are no risks, no uncertainties–

just plain solid facts.

There are are a few regrets

but I can always shrug them off as past.

Do I dare?

No, I can’t.

Future is steeped in risk.

Can’t get there

without weathering some storms

or facing my demons!

Can’t strive, plan, fail…face fresh hurt–

Too full of blows from the past.

At least they didn’t manage to kill me…yet.

Can’t move on.

Do I dare?

No, I won’t.

I sneak a peek at her across the hall

while trying to ignore her.

She smiles in my direction.

I frown at the pain in my chest

in the hole filled with resignation.

Ah! I forgot to breath!

Do I dare?

Don’t I stand on the mountain of hurt

collected in years past?

Will I be able to get past?

She is looking here expectantly–

a smile playing on her mischievous lips.

Do I dare?

May be…

I smile back and step forward…

The past still hurts.

Well, one baby step at a time.

Posted in My life

Weird Nostalgia

Let’s get it out of the way straight away–I am a clingy person…in a very weird sense. I cling to the memories…real and imagined…often not able to sort which is real and which is imagined.

Even my dreams are like that. I dream of old ‘friends’ telling me they miss me and after a few reruns (repeated dreams or thinking about it), I start believing it. Then I want to meet them, and find out that they don’t give a damn!

Not sure, but I think it has something to do with the loneliness I have dealt with during childhood. My father was transferred from one place to another often, and I and my brother kept changing cities with him. I was friendly but building relationships takes time, and time was not a luxury I had. While everyone else stayed with their childhood circle, I was constantly on the move, leaving potential friends behind.

I was and am still jealous of all those who could go back to their home town to meet old friends. I have nobody.

This Monday, I just came back after a month-long vacation at my parent’s home. I could only bully one friend to come and meet. Everyone else was busy. It was lonely…

Lately, I have been having more dreams/memories of ‘lost love’. But I am wary now. I can’t trust my own brain. Not sure if I had a brain short circuit due to all the emotional overload since I read too many novels about true friends and love.

Any advice?