“No harm ever came from reading a book.”
These were the words of Rachel Weisz before she read the “Black book”, brought a crazy mummy back to life and set it loose on the world…
My case is similar, though in my case the mummy set loose on the world is me…
A few days back, I was that zombie walking around my house, snarling at my family members who dared speak to me. Reading books all night while working all day can do that to a person.
I have always had difficulty in prioritizing things. Sleep has always been very low priority. And when there is a good book waiting to be read, I couldn’t control myself. If it was a one-off thing, it could have worked. But two months of 2-3 hours sleep a day…
I have done that before, but my husband or daughter would request me to uninstall Google Play, Kindle or Kobo app from phone and the mania would stop. But this time, I found Project Gutenberg online library. And I was gone!
I have never seen so many classics in one place before. It was my kind of heaven!
Until it became my “fix”…
Soon I was one of those junkies, looking for “just one more”…
one more chapter…
one more page…
yet one more page…
until I was doing nothing but reading classics after classics, with no time for work, writing, my daughter, my parents, my husband…
Two months of complete zombiehood!
I was reading 12-15 novels a month.
A few days back, my daughter asked me to play with her and I promised “just 5 minutes”. When I finally moved after 2 hours, my daughter was half-asleep. Her weekend was gone. The crazy thing is that she had not asked me a second time. She hadn’t reminded me that my 5 minutes were up a long time ago–she had given up on me!
That’s when the shame seeped in. When your eight-year-old child too gives up on you, there is something seriously wrong with you. I could feel my daughter’s resentment, her loneliness and disappointment, even though she said nothing. The shame that gripped was so strong! I could feel that I was behaving like an addict–constantly feeling shame once I was sober and falling back at the first opportunity. I have promised giving up books so many times but I need them like a fish needs water…
So I made a final promise to myself. Rather than giving up books altogether, I will limit myself–1 book a month. 1 classic only so that I am not disappointed in the end and feel the need for another.
The road to recovery has been difficult so far. Every now and then my fingers twitch to pick up my phone and read a book. I stop myself. I have already read 11 books this month. I will get the next one on 1st. Only 9 days to go until the next month begins…
8…
7…
6…
5…
4…
Well, I did say it was difficult! but at least I am holding on. My daughter is learning to trust me again. I am writing again, I am combing my hair and looking like a human, snapping less, smiling more…so it is a good feeling.
I hope I can hold on to my promise for the rest of my life…
Short Stories | Fish-eye Perspective 