What can I say? These humans are too unpredictable.
My mother had warned me. She told me to make sure these humans understand where they stand on the social totem pole; to look down upon them with contempt and deny anyone who is calling; to make an appearance only when it could not be helped and I did just the same for an entire month.
My subjects would pick me up, give me back rubs, belly rubs, and ear scratch. They would take me out riding on their shoulders, offer me their pillows and chest to sleep on, and offer treats freely, and I started thinking I could trust them to behave; that I was winning.
I was too naive.
It was getting hot with all my hair–being a Persian cat, I am rather proud of my legacy, even though it is rather a troubled to be groomed every day and bear the temperature. I had to remind these humans to get one of those super cooling machines, what do they call it…Yeah! Air Conditioner. So, I tried sleeping inside bathroom as mom had instructed (she said it was fastest way to get results) but they wouldn’t let me. So I drank from the bathroom floor whenever I could sneak in to make a point.
But instead of bringing an AC, they got that roaring monster–Cooler! I declined to be in the same room as that rowdy creature! So, eventually, I started sleeping right outside the bath in the wettest area to get my point across. I would then walk all over the bed and sofa, dripping water, so they would make sure I am never hot enough to do that.
One of them actually seemed to be intelligent enough to “get” me because she started talking about it being too hot for all that fur. I was sure, they would finally but an AC.
But rather than getting an AC, the tall beardy one took me out on a walk and (shudder) cut off my fur! Ah, the disgrace! They didn’t just shorten it. They removed it completely–tonsured me! Now, the only fur I have left is on my face, fingers and tail.
And now they have jokes floating around about squiggly squirrel, miniature lion and lizard with a beard–all directed at me! I hate all of them!
So what, if they offer me treats…I mean I would not say no to it but that’s not the point! Even if they give me one of those mind-blowing belly rubs, ear scratch, back rub…
Or pick me up to cuddle with me…
Okay, maybe I will let them off the hook if they increase the treat…
And it really isn’t hot anymore too. Being tonsured isn’t too bad and the little one did say I still look cute. So may be, I will let this one slide.
Author’s note: Narrated to me by our newest family member, Dora, in Mewish–a language I am learning pretty fast.
Dora calls me “Mew” with the shortest emphasise on the vowel. Depending on the times it is called upon, I can tell if it is for cuddles or something urgent, like kitty treats. Since pet grooming services aren’t available here, and it was too hot for four-inch fur, we had to get Dora tonsured. Even though we are calling her a lizard, fake lion and a squirrel, she is still the cutest to us.
PS: What do you do if your kitten decides to sleep on your face?
Short Stories 