Tag: Humor

Posted in Fiction

An Unlikely Story(?)

Posted on by Shaily Agrawal

Hi, I am rebloging one of my older pieces from my earlier site. Apologies to those who already read it.

Long time ago, there lived a woman who used pigeons to send mails. She spent all her day sending and reading her mails. She would draw pictures of ‘Aloo salad’, ‘Kadhai dal’ and ‘Chulha roti’ and send it. People would, then, tell her that they liked it or loved it. She, in turn, would do the same for them. Once an insect bit her lips and she sent her picture to her friends. This inspired others to post their picture with a pout as well.

All this made her feel important and happy!

She kept her precious pigeons in a cage and locked them when not delivering emails to ensure no one stole them. One fated day, she lost the key of the cage. No other key would work. Locksmith tried different combinations, even tried breaking it but the lock would not budge. He gave up in the end.

A week later, the woman passed away of a broken heart…

Unlikely story? Weird story? Stupid story?

I don’t think so!

Most of the people on Facebook or Twitter spend all their free time on it. They post pictures of what they cooked or wore, where they went and how they are feeling. They wish their own spouse and children a ‘Happy Birthday’ on Facebook or Twitter, even though they live in the same house. And the rest of the world likes and loves it.

They call their friends to ask why they only posted a like and did not comment on a particular picture if they really liked it.

If needed, they would even suggest a good comment.

First love, first kiss, first baby and first soiled diaper… They are all on Facebook for the world see, like and comment on.

If you didn’t post it, it never happened. If you didn’t ‘like’ it, you ignored them. If you didn’t post a comment, you never cared about them.

Facebook and Twitter are not websites anymore. They are oxygen cylinders. Lock people out of their account for one day, they will suffocate. Lock them out for a week, they will be as good as dead. If they lose their password, they will spend the rest of their lives resetting and securing it, or die trying.

That reminds me… what was my Facebook password?

…Where did I write it?

…Oh no! Where did it go?

…Gawd! What do I do now?

…OH NO! (Gasp) Can’t breathe… Need air…

…HELP!!!

-Dedicated to the Dimpy Angel and all my friends on Facebook

Posted in Fiction

The First-time Mother

Posted on by Shaily Agrawal

Hi, I am rebloging one of my older pieces from my earlier site. Apologies to those who already read it.

People say that women are born mothers. I disagree.

When it comes to being ‘born mothers’, there are two categories of girls: First, who love playing the babysitter to all toddlers in the vicinity, and second, who keep a minimum five feet distance from anyone on two legs below three feet.

I belong to the latter category. Even while playing ‘Home’ as a child, I never agreed to play the ‘mother’. It was too big a responsibility. Hence, while waiting for my first child, I was clueless about how to handle children. I had to conduct a lot of Google search to ensure I knew everything.

But nothing could have prepared me for the reality.

Being a mother is a difficult job anyway with the 24×7 food-potty issues. For me, it was akin to fighting a dragon with bare hands. A live bomb ready to explode any second for known and unknown reasons, she scared me out of my wits in the first month. I was scared that I might drop her, touch her too hard, leave her hungry, overfeed her or crush her beneath me while sleeping at night, or somebody else at home might do the same (the jaundiced eye…), or she might fall off the bed if I left her unattended for a nano‑second. There were a lot of other crazy fears that I had never experienced before.

On cold nights, she throws away her sheets and I spend the rest of the night covering her. God bless the person who invented diapers, else I wouldn’t even get the 3-4 hours of sleep at night that I get now. Ever since the fated day, I can be caught sleeping anytime anywhere. I remember this day when I was found asleep while standing against a pillar.

I feel a renewed respect for my mother and all the mothers who dare a second baby.

I love my daughter! I just wish she was not so much of hard work. On the day she was born, my mother said, “Your struggle has just begun.” With nearly one year out of the way, my daughter is gradually switching from crawling to walking, and the challenge is heightening from Beginner level to Professional level. I am beginning to wonder whether mother was referring to the rest of my life.

Well, fingers crossed!

Posted in Fiction

I am a Fly on the Wall

Posted on by Shaily Agrawal

Hi, I am rebloging one of my older pieces from my earlier site. Apologies to those who already read it.

“As bystanders in the greater events of the world, what are we but mere flies on the wall.”

But flies know stuff, like where you hide candies from your son or when you lie to your wife that you ate the salad she sent for lunch while eating extra-sugary donuts. And they use it to their advantage.

And flies spread news. Have you ever paid attention to the strange humming noise when they gather in a place? Don’t mistake it as just flapping of wings… that’s Morse code!

Flies also have political opinions. They can choose to sit either on the palm of your hand, a flower, a bicycle or an elephant at their will. They can also decide against all of them in favor of a blank wall or a puddle of cow poop.

Also flies can… well, fly! They have wings. They just choose to stick close to familiar places, like your kitchen. But the flies with ambition are free to fly to faraway sweet shops to live their dreams.

Hence, we humans have more in common with the common fly than we will be ready to admit. I, for one, as admit… I am just another fly on the wall!

Posted in Fiction

Tiny Story: Bewildered

Posted on by Shaily Agrawal

The Dragon was seething.

She was left in the care of a woman who was always sleeping. She was alone and hungry, and had to live on the rats that roamed in the old castle.

She could not fathom why anyone would care to guard a castle who nobody lived in anymore. If only someone would let her out…

She tried to ask a few gentlemen who visited. But either they died on spot (and made a nice roasted meal, for a change) or ran away screaming about some monster. She wondered who the monster was. May be she could ask him to let her out…

Posted in Fiction

History: Survivor Stories – From the Horses’ Mouth

Posted on by Shaily Agrawal

“The monsters looked like a small grey mountains.”

“They had large wings where ears should be and a hand in place of nose that they used to pick and throw us around.”

“As His Majesty Alexander’s war horse, I had believed nothing in the world could scare me but the war cry of these ‘Alifants’ sent chill up my spines.”

“I’m glad we returned after that encounter on the banks of river Indus. I don’t think we could have survived one more.”

-Survivor stories by His Majesty Alexander’s war horses